Hornby to buy British Rail

Hornby to buy British Rail

The government has changed track and announced the sale of all of the rail transport system to Hornby.

Hornby who are the countries oldest and most profitable transportation companies and have acquired a number of transport industries in the recent past are said to be delighted to take ownership of the worlds worst rail system.

Alex (clickty-clack) Johnson arrived on time to make an official announcement at Waterloo Station.

“We are delighted and honoured to now create the ultimate railway across the nation and we will provide a service the British public deserve”

He went on to announce the introduction of new passenger rolling stock, the Devon Belle Coach, complete with toilets, refreshments and opening windows. The new carriages will be pulled by the new BR 0-4-4T locomotive.

Rail passenger groups based in Southport England are to rename themselves the ‘Hornies’ and have made advance bookings for the first journey provided by Hornby.
Bob Crow has said; 

“My members are not here to serve the public or are they required to ensure trains are clean and on time for health and safety reasons”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Blair pours water over Brown at the Labour Party conference!

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

What do you think? please leave a comment

Lone Worker

The Labour party are in disarray today as it has lost the Prime Minister, although Gordon Brown is not in the real sense a true lone worker, he does have to work on his own as he has no friends and by default a very lonely worker.

A spokesman for 10 Downing Street has said the PM was on holiday in Southend, Jacqui Smith said it was all under control and will hold another public enquiry, although David Milliband has contacted the HSE for further advice on lone workers.

The Chinese government have denied he is in Beijing on a jolly.

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Flesh Gordon meets Darling

All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Police raid kitchen shop and seize hundreds of knifes

Police today raided silversmiths, cutlers, flatware and kitchen ware shops through out the capitol and were surprised by the number of knifes found on the premises.

Deputy, stand in, might get promoted assistant patrolman Jones said "It was surprising the types of knifes we found, some were designed for cutting meat" he went on to say that commercial kitchens were the next target as there had been reports of some particularly big knifes seen.

Jacqui Smith made a short statement "We are weak on crime and even weaker on the causes of crime" her statement went on to say all knifes will be withdrawn from use in England.

She also gave a hint on other measures they will be putting in place:

• Extending ID cards to all citizens over 5 years of age
  
• Curfews in inner city areas
  
• Issue of stab proof vests to all civil servants

Smithy dismissed opposition leaders requests for more police enforcement and bigger prisons as unrealistic as the country was nearly bankrupt.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Hazel Blears to be Shortest Deputy PM in History

Hazel Blears to be shortest deputy PM in the history of Parliament. Hazel will take office during the summer break to cover for Gordon Brown while he holidays at Centre Parcs in the Sherwood Forest.

It has been rumoured that Gordon will not be long in Sherwood and his break will be cut short to a day by a hoodie called Robin.

Hazel Blears statement was short and to the point "If I am in office for only one short day, I will still be proud to have done my duty"

A waiting fan (her husband) asked if she would like the office on a more permanent basis? To which she replied "Yes"


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Gordon Brown hires production team and cast of neighbours

Labour have said they need to portray a modern and upbeat image to suit the charisma and moral values of Mr Brown.

Neighbours, a popular soap for mindless people, is seen to be a model for the Labour Party as there are a number of similarities, neither are taken seriously. They both have had the same old storyline for over 20 years despite the numerous character changes.

A spokesman for the production team has said they are actively writing the script for the next cabinet meeting and Caroline Flint will be having an on / off relationship with the press. George Bush is going to play the baddy turned good.

Official statement will be made before the elections in July 08.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Shell drivers backed by Stalinist's

According to secret documents found on a number 16 bus in Scunthorpe, the Shell drivers who are currently on strike are backed by Arthur Scargill.

Scargill who is loved by the miners and unions but despised by the Tories, gave a long winded speech blaming Margaret Thatcher for the current problems.

Supporters of Scargill are rallying around to give support to him and the Shell drivers strike. Long time friend Gordon Brown agreed that the strike was a direct result of the Conservatives miss management, Sion Simon, the other half for the folk group the pair set up, The Funkles, said 'Art' (Arthur) was the only one to bring justice to the British working man. George Galloway has joined the picket line and has declared he will stay there until they resurrect and reinstate Mr Hussein.

Brown has stated he will not be taking any active part in the dispute as it was a domestic issue, which should be left to Shell and it contractors to discuss and resolve. When Brown was asked on the fuel shortages and the increase in price, he replied; "More use of coal should be explored and coal fire steam engines could be used as a main form of transportation"

It is unclear how many coal mines should be opened as the yet to be employed miners have already gone on strike in sympathy with the Shell drivers.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Wendy Alexander is to challenge Gordon Brown for leadership of Labour Party

Trout pout Wendy who is thought to be a close friend to Gordon has revealed that she wants his job.

Wendy Alexander has also got a number of key Labour losers backing her.

Harriet Harman, Labour Deputy Leader said, "She is strong champion of Labour, and above all for women"

Des Browne (Gordon's cousin), Scottish Secretary remarked, "A woman of no talent and I have to say of the lowest integrity"

Nigel Griffiths, A Labour MP for Edinburgh declared, "She is one of the outstanding political thinkers of her generation. I thought she showed really good leadership. Her speeches and her ideas have helped destroy policy"

Wendy is like a whirlwind getting from one meeting to the next and she can talk just as fast as she can run. Wendy knows all about balancing work and failing to register donations and it certainly shows.

Ms Alexander's minders issued a lengthy statement, the first part referrers to her challenge for the leadership of the English Labour Party.

The second part refers to her vision which focussed on four main themes:

• A competitive yet compassionate donations policy;
• People focused public services;
• Empowering institutions and not people and communities;
• Scottish solutions for English aspirations.

Ms Alexander added before departing, "Hiking Income Tax for every working man and women and then passing the proceeds on to local MP's, will be good news for democracy"

Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment.


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Gordon Brown is given highest honour by the French

"I award Gordon Brown the Legion of Honor, the premier order of my country," Nicolas Sarkozy, president of the French Republic said, noting that the medal was established in 1802 by Napoleon Bonaparte for services to the French people.

He also noted that for over 200 years the French had been trying to bring England to its knees, but Gordon has done it in a relatively short space of time as Chancellor and as the Prime Minister.


Vive le Gordon cried Charles de Gaulle Jnr, my father would have loved to see this.

Tony Blair was also recommended for this award but rejected the offer. He said "Its president of Europe or nothing" Cherry is fuming according to Danny le Rue and has threatened to write another comic if Tony does not take the medal - after all Gordon has one.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.