Police raid kitchen shop and seize hundreds of knifes

Police today raided silversmiths, cutlers, flatware and kitchen ware shops through out the capitol and were surprised by the number of knifes found on the premises.

Deputy, stand in, might get promoted assistant patrolman Jones said "It was surprising the types of knifes we found, some were designed for cutting meat" he went on to say that commercial kitchens were the next target as there had been reports of some particularly big knifes seen.

Jacqui Smith made a short statement "We are weak on crime and even weaker on the causes of crime" her statement went on to say all knifes will be withdrawn from use in England.

She also gave a hint on other measures they will be putting in place:

• Extending ID cards to all citizens over 5 years of age
  
• Curfews in inner city areas
  
• Issue of stab proof vests to all civil servants

Smithy dismissed opposition leaders requests for more police enforcement and bigger prisons as unrealistic as the country was nearly bankrupt.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Stats show teen drinking reduces after the age of 20; Politician Disagrees

A recent report by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in Birmingham has uncovered that the number of teen drinkers reduced by 100% when they reached their twenties. Vice President elect of AA, Charles Kennedy said this was a milestone in getting the young away from alcohol, but did warn once a pickle always a pickle.

Popular teen magazine 'Teens' did a similar survey but had different results from the seven to twelve year olds they surveyed. The results were not available for publication as the agony aunt ex schools minister Mr Twigg, who carried out the research is not at work due to a hangover.

The temporary minister for beer, John Prescott said while thumping a bystander, "Most problems can be addressed by drinking vast amounts of beer and then throwing up."

He went on to say it was typical "media hype" saying, "Margret Thatcher famously became the first MP to be accused of being sober while at the House of Commons dispatch box. Goliath is a celebrity binge drinker, Herbert Asquith, was known for swaying precariously on his knees in the House of Commons and the famous Annie's Bar was named after Catholic MP Ann Widdecombe. "

Mr Prescott was then escorted from the bar.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.