Blair pours water over Brown at the Labour Party conference!

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.

The Lone Voice: Gordon Brown - Downfall.


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

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New tax on Social Networking Users

Big brother is already here, our every movement is followed by countless cameras. GPS and other tracking devices can record our travels. The latest can capture conversations from thousands of chatrooms and bulletin boards, and it all comes at a cost.

Where there is a cost to government then there has to be a tax opportunity. The latest stealth tax will be on the use of forums, bloggs and social networking sites. Not on the ISP or the webhosts but the users.

Each registered user is expected to pay a yearly tax, it is thought to be around £1. If you consider that of the 100 million accounts on social network websites, 10 million are UK users.

7 million from the UK on Facebook, 6 million using StumbleUpon, and its reported 50 million blogs have been created. The cost is already £163 million. Now consider all the others, countless forums. The total revenue is likely to be in excess of £200 million, no wonder the treasury is taking it seriously.

The little darlings at the treasury have been brown nosing it with the association of web hosts, as they are expected to collect the new tax. Web hosts have indicated it will cost £2 plus VAT in administration charges to collect the tax from the users.

The final reading of the bill will be on Monday 19th August.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Police raid kitchen shop and seize hundreds of knifes

Police today raided silversmiths, cutlers, flatware and kitchen ware shops through out the capitol and were surprised by the number of knifes found on the premises.

Deputy, stand in, might get promoted assistant patrolman Jones said "It was surprising the types of knifes we found, some were designed for cutting meat" he went on to say that commercial kitchens were the next target as there had been reports of some particularly big knifes seen.

Jacqui Smith made a short statement "We are weak on crime and even weaker on the causes of crime" her statement went on to say all knifes will be withdrawn from use in England.

She also gave a hint on other measures they will be putting in place:

• Extending ID cards to all citizens over 5 years of age
  
• Curfews in inner city areas
  
• Issue of stab proof vests to all civil servants

Smithy dismissed opposition leaders requests for more police enforcement and bigger prisons as unrealistic as the country was nearly bankrupt.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The CBI are furious at new a new European Directive

The Confederation of British Industry (CBI) have shown their dismay at the new European Directive, on safety in the workplace. The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) have welcomed the new directives and will be looking forward to when they will turned into English law as it will give them new powers to stop and search.

Judith (you can't) Hackett (HSE) said "it's been a long time coming but now we can stop offenders and they can be searched for dangerous items"

When asked to explain dangerous items by a local news reporter, who also pointed out that the police, were also doing SUS. Judy replied;

"When we outlawed conker playing a few years ago, the game still carried on by some secret sects, the Boy Scouts and a number of wayward children who had access to conker trees where we had not cut them down. We knew there were numerous conker championships happening, but could do little to stop them"

It is expected that HSE officers will patrol and search children in known hotspots. The new law does not stop at conkers. Other dangerous items would include marbles, Pooh sticks, paper darts, elastic bands, hula hoops, skipping ropes and homemade BB guns.

ROSPA and other safety experts are pleased with the initial response from the HSE, but have stressed they have not gone far enough with the new laws and clarification on banning office parties needs to be in the first amendments.

Baroness Gibson of Market Rasen, OBE President of ROSPA indicated it would be a lot easier for everyone if we just banned everything.

The last reading of the new directive was yesterday and was passed today.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Tasers could improve memory

Brutal scientific research on prisoners in Texas, the home state of George Bush by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) has revealed that regular daily electrocutions by the taser improves the memory of some habitual criminals who have in the past been underachievers (thick) there is also links to cognitive skills and IQ.

The TDCJ said the tests were still ongoing and the next phase would be to taser every prisoner once a day in all its institutions.

Ed (76) a reformed criminal is now living a more fruitful life as a result of the taser tests. He said " I have been in and out of prison all my life, I just forgot some things were against the law, now I tend to remember not to do wrong" He also added he had a bad back and a gammy leg and was not so nimble as he was.

Independent studies have exposed a risk of death by electrocution when this practice is done in certain areas when wet. Safety experts have advised not to taser people in the bath, shower or swimming pool. The TDCJ have also stopped using the taser in the wet, they killed 129 inmates in the exercise yard during a rain storm.

Civil liberty groups have condemned this practice in the past but cannot remember when. The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith supported this view and added it would be cheaper to not arrest offenders in the first place.

Jan Berry of the police federation said the taser memory improvement program should be extended to all criminal institutes in the England, she also said that if Jacqui Smith had been tasered last year, she might have remembered their pay rise.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Hazel Blears to be Shortest Deputy PM in History

Hazel Blears to be shortest deputy PM in the history of Parliament. Hazel will take office during the summer break to cover for Gordon Brown while he holidays at Centre Parcs in the Sherwood Forest.

It has been rumoured that Gordon will not be long in Sherwood and his break will be cut short to a day by a hoodie called Robin.

Hazel Blears statement was short and to the point "If I am in office for only one short day, I will still be proud to have done my duty"

A waiting fan (her husband) asked if she would like the office on a more permanent basis? To which she replied "Yes"


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Gordon Brown hires production team and cast of neighbours

Labour have said they need to portray a modern and upbeat image to suit the charisma and moral values of Mr Brown.

Neighbours, a popular soap for mindless people, is seen to be a model for the Labour Party as there are a number of similarities, neither are taken seriously. They both have had the same old storyline for over 20 years despite the numerous character changes.

A spokesman for the production team has said they are actively writing the script for the next cabinet meeting and Caroline Flint will be having an on / off relationship with the press. George Bush is going to play the baddy turned good.

Official statement will be made before the elections in July 08.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.