Lone Worker

The Labour party are in disarray today as it has lost the Prime Minister, although Gordon Brown is not in the real sense a true lone worker, he does have to work on his own as he has no friends and by default a very lonely worker.

A spokesman for 10 Downing Street has said the PM was on holiday in Southend, Jacqui Smith said it was all under control and will hold another public enquiry, although David Milliband has contacted the HSE for further advice on lone workers.

The Chinese government have denied he is in Beijing on a jolly.

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Flesh Gordon meets Darling

All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Boris Johnson is to bring back the stocks, pillory and the pranger

In an unprecedented move the Mayor of London has acquired a number of devices used by Max Mussel and the wife of a former MI5 officer.

The cruel and unusual punishment devices are to be used as a deterrent to fare dodgers on the London underground. Boris was at pains to state that they would also be used on a 2 strikes and you are out basis.

The Mayor was asked if he would consider bring back the birch for some offences replied that the best tree for London was the Oak

PR guru Bob Crow replied it was against health and safety law and something should be banned and would be a good idea if someone went on strike.

Caroline Lucas has condemned the idea and said the government should be the servant and not the master and could she be first.

The first installation on the 1st of June 2008, will be at the Waterloo and City line, where its known that rich city bankers are the worst offenders.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Death by Electrocution or Air Conditioned Tube

A new air conditioning system has been tested on deep mine shafts in South Africa. It is thought that this system will be ideal for the deep lines on the London Underground.

Bob Boer the principle engineer for the Rhodesian Mining Corporation said it took ten years to develop and get right, but was now ready for full time service.

Tube lines such as the Northern and Piccadilly can now be cooled. The system is not thought to be costly to buy, but installation will be difficult and some tube trains may need to be modernised.

The heat exchanger is large pools of chilled water in containers fitted to the tracks and roof and when the train passes by the water is splashed all over the train and in turn taking the heat from the carriages.

Rail experts have dismissed the system as the water would come into contact with the live rail and would most probably electrocute everyone in the carriage. Mr Boer has dismissed these claims as the system had been fully tested on South African miners and as long as you are wearing rubber boots it is totally safe.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Shell drivers backed by Stalinist's

According to secret documents found on a number 16 bus in Scunthorpe, the Shell drivers who are currently on strike are backed by Arthur Scargill.

Scargill who is loved by the miners and unions but despised by the Tories, gave a long winded speech blaming Margaret Thatcher for the current problems.

Supporters of Scargill are rallying around to give support to him and the Shell drivers strike. Long time friend Gordon Brown agreed that the strike was a direct result of the Conservatives miss management, Sion Simon, the other half for the folk group the pair set up, The Funkles, said 'Art' (Arthur) was the only one to bring justice to the British working man. George Galloway has joined the picket line and has declared he will stay there until they resurrect and reinstate Mr Hussein.

Brown has stated he will not be taking any active part in the dispute as it was a domestic issue, which should be left to Shell and it contractors to discuss and resolve. When Brown was asked on the fuel shortages and the increase in price, he replied; "More use of coal should be explored and coal fire steam engines could be used as a main form of transportation"

It is unclear how many coal mines should be opened as the yet to be employed miners have already gone on strike in sympathy with the Shell drivers.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.