Hornby to buy British Rail

Hornby to buy British Rail

The government has changed track and announced the sale of all of the rail transport system to Hornby.

Hornby who are the countries oldest and most profitable transportation companies and have acquired a number of transport industries in the recent past are said to be delighted to take ownership of the worlds worst rail system.

Alex (clickty-clack) Johnson arrived on time to make an official announcement at Waterloo Station.

“We are delighted and honoured to now create the ultimate railway across the nation and we will provide a service the British public deserve”

He went on to announce the introduction of new passenger rolling stock, the Devon Belle Coach, complete with toilets, refreshments and opening windows. The new carriages will be pulled by the new BR 0-4-4T locomotive.

Rail passenger groups based in Southport England are to rename themselves the ‘Hornies’ and have made advance bookings for the first journey provided by Hornby.
Bob Crow has said; 

“My members are not here to serve the public or are they required to ensure trains are clean and on time for health and safety reasons”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Gingers have more energy

New research from the La Salle University in Bangladesh, by Louis de Larreviere claims it can prove ginger headed people have more energy than any other coloured hair type.

Real redheaded people have the advantage as their hair can conduct solar energy faster than any others as it has less resistance. The principle of Fermats, 'least time' is the idea that the path taken between two points by a ray of light is the path that can be traversed in the least time. Phaeomelanin has been identified as main factor as it is less likely to break down under extreme sunlight.

Associated research also claims that blonds who have a mixture of phaeomelanin and eumelanin have the most resistance due to the very dense matter in their hair.

Famous reds have not fully agreed with the research.

Ruby Wax said, "Its true, I have had more work and I just can not shut up."

Britney Spears who went red for the 2004 video 'Toxic' believed her carer was OK all the time she was red and started to go downhill went she went blonde.

Kay Burley displayed lots of energy and punched the spoof reporter on the nose.

Pierre de Fermat wondered if the formula x^n + y^n >= z^n could be solved. Fermat's Last Theorem defeated many young researchers and scientists alike, but did not confuse Louis de Larreviere.

Other famous redheads, Geri Halliwell, Chris Evans, Charles Kennedy, Anne Robinson and Charlie Dimmock where not to drunk to comment.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.