Paris Hilton and the Camel Foot

Paris Hilton and the Camel Foot

Paris who was plastered at a recent photo shoot in Egypt, had her toe trod on by a camels foot.

Photos showing Ms Hiltons camel toe  injury have been bought by Hokey Cokey magazine. The magazine, famed for its candid photos and stories lives up to its name. The words ‘hokey pokey’ are a deliberate parody, of the Latin phrase "Hoc est enim corpus meum", which translates as "This is my body". Magazine owner, Hank Socialite is said to be in high spirits and looking forward to publishing these exclusive body photos of Paris Hilton.

Israeli online magazine  ‘hæn.ki pæn.ki’ are said to be furious as they had sole rights to the foot and toe photos and were consulting their armed lawyers.

Paris Hilton, who is still plastered, is said to be recovering well from her camel toe injury and is expected to resume shooting next week. Her agent has thanked all her fans for the best wishes, cards and toe warmers.

Lindsay Lohan, Shanna Moakler and Lizzie made a joint statement “Pity it was only her toe the camel trod on”

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Go Nude to Toughen Up

Go Nude to Toughen Up.

Ministers in DEFRA have supported Jake Ulrichs comments on adapting to climate change and rising costs of energy, although they have added more detail.

MP’s Hillary (Big) Benn and Joan (Razor) Ruddock made a joint statement at Sussex University.

“The working classes of Great Britain have been pampered over the past century and have become soft and cannot cope with a few hardships anymore”

They went on to attack the middle class by accusing them of living in isolation from reality and using vast amounts of energy in the summer to keep cool with air conditioning and in the winter using more precious resources to keep warm.

Their advice, which is supported by Al Gore is simple, go nude. By going nude the body will start to acclimatise  and require less energy and clothing to heat or cool. The advice will be supported by a new Act of Parliament,

Friends of the Mud and the Naturism Society have welcomed the new initiative and will hold an official launch at the Mile High music festival where they will all strip.

The Mary Whitehouse appreciation society will be opposing the new Act and feminist groups have stated they will be keeping their clothes on.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Gingers have more energy

New research from the La Salle University in Bangladesh, by Louis de Larreviere claims it can prove ginger headed people have more energy than any other coloured hair type.

Real redheaded people have the advantage as their hair can conduct solar energy faster than any others as it has less resistance. The principle of Fermats, 'least time' is the idea that the path taken between two points by a ray of light is the path that can be traversed in the least time. Phaeomelanin has been identified as main factor as it is less likely to break down under extreme sunlight.

Associated research also claims that blonds who have a mixture of phaeomelanin and eumelanin have the most resistance due to the very dense matter in their hair.

Famous reds have not fully agreed with the research.

Ruby Wax said, "Its true, I have had more work and I just can not shut up."

Britney Spears who went red for the 2004 video 'Toxic' believed her carer was OK all the time she was red and started to go downhill went she went blonde.

Kay Burley displayed lots of energy and punched the spoof reporter on the nose.

Pierre de Fermat wondered if the formula x^n + y^n >= z^n could be solved. Fermat's Last Theorem defeated many young researchers and scientists alike, but did not confuse Louis de Larreviere.

Other famous redheads, Geri Halliwell, Chris Evans, Charles Kennedy, Anne Robinson and Charlie Dimmock where not to drunk to comment.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Free Legally Blonde tickets not available

The much hyped free ticket give away for the new musical of Legally Blonde has been shelved as nobody thought to do it.

Bailey Hanks said there will not be any winners of this none competition, but tickets will be available soon from ticket sellers on platform 1.

The film has a extremist fan base and has been very popular with the legal profession. A spokesman for the Law Society issued a statement to waiting taxi drivers. The statement, full of legal jargon was not understood and thrown in the bin. However a solicitor said "Most people in the legal profession cannot afford to go to shows like this and we were waiting for the free tickets, it now looks as if we will miss the opening night, unless we can issue an injunction and delay the show"

The Strand Theatre has denied being involved in the fiasco and said the show will go on for one month followed by the first performance of the 'Hedi Fleiss' play, the story of how she made people rise to fame.


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Radovan Karadži? aka. Papa Smurf arrested in the woods

People may know him as Radovan Karadzic or Dragan Dabic but his true identity has now been revealed after his arrest, Papa Smurf.

Papa Smurf has been on the CIA's most wanted list since 1958 for terrorism, Papa is the wisest of the Smurfs and does as much as he can to stop the Smurfs acting like humans, his power was extensive and even persuaded humans to act like Smurfs through his knowledge of alchemy.

The experienced village chief had the support of an unique band of terrorists named after him, The Smurfs.

Papa who was previously guarded by his minder 'Hefty', was nowhere to be seen and rumour has it that he was caught earlier in the year by 'Gargamel'

Security chiefs have said they are still looking for the rest of the gang, who are believed to be staying at the Paris Hilton.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Iceland invades Zimbabwe

In a secret and unprecedented move by the Republic of Iceland, an invasion has taken place on Zimbabwe. This is the first war the Icelanders have been in since the 'Cod War'.

Prime Minister, Geir H. Haarde who is also known as Gerry Hard said "The low price of ice, reduced availability of icebergs through global warming and the Zimbabwean Government not paying its bills for ice delivered in 2007, has forced us into this position"

The Icelandic Coast Guard carrying units of the Víkingasveitin armed with harpoons and dry ice have laid siege to the House of Assembly in Harare. There has been no direct reports of the conflict as most of the worlds press and media are banned from Zimbabwe, apart from 'Sky News Reporters' who have reported no incidents as most have been down the pub.

Björk Guðmundsdóttir the opposition leader and leader for the, Vikings Are Nice Party (VANP) said "It was not necessary to invade, we could have just sent them some of my albums"

President Mugabe was unavailable for comment although close aid Paris Hilton said "Everything is under control"

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Boris Johnson and Abi Titmuss to host holiday show

A new holiday program to appear on the Boring Broadcasting Company's prime time evening slot this autumn, will star Boris Johnson and Abi Titmuss as co-presenters.

The holiday show is not aimed at 'chavs' or other peasant types, the main focus will be on high end and expensive holidays abroad but Boris and Abi will make comparisons with traditional English holiday locations.

The first program will be a straight competition between Bognor and Bangalore. Boris will be going to Bognor as he has close associations with the gay folk of Bognor and gave them their motto 'Bugger Bognor' which seems to have stuck.

Meanwhile Abi will be banging in glorious Banglore, both will be wearing head cams and linked live to a dead studio audience and straight to a dedicated website, buggerbognor.dot

The shows producer Sophie Monk is excited with the new venture but is worried the show could get a little out of hand and be put on at a later time in the evening. She has also revealed Johnny Rotten and Kele Okereke will be doing the same for the US version and also performing a live duo.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Obama is to declare war on Germany

President non elect, Barack Obama, will in a speech at the Victory Column in downtown Berlin declare a war on German inflation and then repeat his intention of war to the rest of Europe later this week as he visits France and England.

The speech at the 'Siegessaeule' a popular venue for the 'Love Parade' and very near to the symbol of the Cold War, the Brandenburg Gate will have tight security and be policed by the Dirlewanger Brigade.

Andreas Schockenhoff of Chancellor Angela Merkel's Christian Democrats said "We have already met with the English and have made a decision to, unite and comply with all of the Americans demands"

Political annalists have said this pact between the English and Germans will mean the Americans will concentrate their efforts on the French and they are most likely be bankrupt by the end of September. A reliable source has indicated this is a planned action as no body really cares about the Frenchies.

Political analysts from the Bild said "People here see him(BO) almost as another political oddity after seven years of Bush" they went on to say it was more of the same except instead of declaring war on the Koreans, they have taken the softer option by having an all out trade war and the French will be taking the full impact.

There has been no response from the French government as they are all on holiday.

Running mate Joe Biden has been hired today to shore up Barack Obamas weakness — inexperience in office and on foreign policy

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Pussy cat dolls are banned from shops

All dolls made in China by Xiangjuan Big Dongguan (Big Donga) are subject of a product recall due to over inflated chests and excess collagen.

Scientist have said this is potentially very dangerous as the bosoms can explode without warning, spraying a silicon substance over anyone within 5 metres and when mixed with bovine collagen, it can produce fat arses if swallowed.

Trading standards officers are finding it hard going as they are investigating all the dolls imported into the UK, “its only the ones made by Big Donga” said Cuthbert from Waltham, “you have to give them a real hard squeeze, it really hard on the, um fingers” he went on to say.

Pussy fans are disappointed as they have been waiting all year for their appearance and now are feeling very deflated at the news.


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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.