Professor claims Cockney Rhyming Slang was invented by the Welsh

Professor Richard Aaron's secret and unpublished journal on the Efrydia Athronyddol has revealed startling facts that the rhyming slang first started by a Welsh poacher in the 5th century AD, who was late home for his dinner.

The poachers wife asked "Ble oeddet ti am unarddeg o'r gloch neithiwr?" to which the happy coracle paddling poacher replied "Ro'n i'n meddwi 'da ffrindiau"

Geoffrey of Monmouth came to hear of this and immediately endorsed it as part of their culture. It took until 1838 before this was challenged by Lady Charlotte Guest who claimed a new coded language had been found in the East End of London and was developed by a local lost tribe of Costa Mongers.

Aarons journal has now changed all previous claims and is absolute proof that Cockney Rhyming Slang should now be referred to Welsh Rhyming Slang.

Famous Cockneys Dick Van Dyke and Audrey Hepburn are shocked by this new revelation and feel as if their heritage has been taken from them.

Windsor Davies was not so shocked and said 'It could just be a simple case of the Welsh emigrating into the East End many years ago and bring the slang with them.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The CBI are furious at new a new European Directive

The Confederation of British Industry (CBI) have shown their dismay at the new European Directive, on safety in the workplace. The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) have welcomed the new directives and will be looking forward to when they will turned into English law as it will give them new powers to stop and search.

Judith (you can't) Hackett (HSE) said "it's been a long time coming but now we can stop offenders and they can be searched for dangerous items"

When asked to explain dangerous items by a local news reporter, who also pointed out that the police, were also doing SUS. Judy replied;

"When we outlawed conker playing a few years ago, the game still carried on by some secret sects, the Boy Scouts and a number of wayward children who had access to conker trees where we had not cut them down. We knew there were numerous conker championships happening, but could do little to stop them"

It is expected that HSE officers will patrol and search children in known hotspots. The new law does not stop at conkers. Other dangerous items would include marbles, Pooh sticks, paper darts, elastic bands, hula hoops, skipping ropes and homemade BB guns.

ROSPA and other safety experts are pleased with the initial response from the HSE, but have stressed they have not gone far enough with the new laws and clarification on banning office parties needs to be in the first amendments.

Baroness Gibson of Market Rasen, OBE President of ROSPA indicated it would be a lot easier for everyone if we just banned everything.

The last reading of the new directive was yesterday and was passed today.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.