Budget airlines to charge for emergency services

Low cost airlines are cutting costs to counter rising fuel prices. The latest initiative is to charge for services which have been traditionally free.

Sick bags have always been free, but no longer, if you want one it will cost £1. if you use it and want it disposed, it will cost a further £1. And airlines will not be allowing passengers to use any unapproved paper bags. The alternative is not to just throw up over the seat in front; however, there will be a clean up cost of £100.

The use of the emergency oxygen will be free for the first gasp, after that there will be a £45 fee per mouthful of air. Life jackets will be available in 2 versions, self inflating at £30 and rubber rings coming in at a bargain price of £1.50. The use of the escape chutes will be included in the airfare.

Going to the toilet will no longer cost a penny but increase to a whooping £7.50 plus 10 pence per toilet roll square.

British Airline Pilots' Association (BALPA), compared the budget airlines proposals to the way Ptrans-Pterodactyl Airlines operated. They are furious over proposals to reduce air and cabin crew. Pilots will be expected to operate like driver / conductor on bendy buses.

Passenger groups have not welcomed the proposals and said they are used to being treated like dirt by the airlines but this is going over the top.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Ford are to stop making rusty transit vans

Today Ford announced it will no longer be making Ford Transits (Tranny) in its Southampton factory.

The Transit famous for its inbuilt rust, poor paint jobs and smelly engines with no power has been a favourite of the British 'brickie' and pub bands for many years. The 'tranny' is going to be produced now in another country by child labour.

Transvestites and Tranny fans across the world are dismayed, Brian Viglione said "Its and end of an era, I have had many a good time in the back of a tranny"

The transit owners group of Scunthorpe and the Ford Transit Forum are rumoured to be planning a motorway protest in early August. They plan to drive at top speed down the M1 for 2 hours. White van man groups are thought to be joining in the protest if they can get their sat navs to point them in the right direction. Police and motoring organisations have advised against this tactic, Dave a traffic cop for Bedfordshire gave a stark warning "Trannies driving at full speed (50 mph) are still to slow for today's motorways and are dangerous"

Ford workers union 'Unite' have gone into hiding but Bob Crow said on their behalf "The only option is to strike"

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.