Tory Pledge

. All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Dr. X's Free Associations: Photo of Palin with Elk

Dr. X's Free Associations: Photo of Palin with Elk

"And I will not post the alleged nude photo of Palin, no matter how many people come here looking for it" - Dr X

Link to not so nude photos of Palin
.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Iceland invades Zimbabwe

In a secret and unprecedented move by the Republic of Iceland, an invasion has taken place on Zimbabwe. This is the first war the Icelanders have been in since the 'Cod War'.

Prime Minister, Geir H. Haarde who is also known as Gerry Hard said "The low price of ice, reduced availability of icebergs through global warming and the Zimbabwean Government not paying its bills for ice delivered in 2007, has forced us into this position"

The Icelandic Coast Guard carrying units of the Víkingasveitin armed with harpoons and dry ice have laid siege to the House of Assembly in Harare. There has been no direct reports of the conflict as most of the worlds press and media are banned from Zimbabwe, apart from 'Sky News Reporters' who have reported no incidents as most have been down the pub.

Björk Guðmundsdóttir the opposition leader and leader for the, Vikings Are Nice Party (VANP) said "It was not necessary to invade, we could have just sent them some of my albums"

President Mugabe was unavailable for comment although close aid Paris Hilton said "Everything is under control"

.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

New tax on Social Networking Users

Big brother is already here, our every movement is followed by countless cameras. GPS and other tracking devices can record our travels. The latest can capture conversations from thousands of chatrooms and bulletin boards, and it all comes at a cost.

Where there is a cost to government then there has to be a tax opportunity. The latest stealth tax will be on the use of forums, bloggs and social networking sites. Not on the ISP or the webhosts but the users.

Each registered user is expected to pay a yearly tax, it is thought to be around £1. If you consider that of the 100 million accounts on social network websites, 10 million are UK users.

7 million from the UK on Facebook, 6 million using StumbleUpon, and its reported 50 million blogs have been created. The cost is already £163 million. Now consider all the others, countless forums. The total revenue is likely to be in excess of £200 million, no wonder the treasury is taking it seriously.

The little darlings at the treasury have been brown nosing it with the association of web hosts, as they are expected to collect the new tax. Web hosts have indicated it will cost £2 plus VAT in administration charges to collect the tax from the users.

The final reading of the bill will be on Monday 19th August.

.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Professor claims Cockney Rhyming Slang was invented by the Welsh

Professor Richard Aaron's secret and unpublished journal on the Efrydia Athronyddol has revealed startling facts that the rhyming slang first started by a Welsh poacher in the 5th century AD, who was late home for his dinner.

The poachers wife asked "Ble oeddet ti am unarddeg o'r gloch neithiwr?" to which the happy coracle paddling poacher replied "Ro'n i'n meddwi 'da ffrindiau"

Geoffrey of Monmouth came to hear of this and immediately endorsed it as part of their culture. It took until 1838 before this was challenged by Lady Charlotte Guest who claimed a new coded language had been found in the East End of London and was developed by a local lost tribe of Costa Mongers.

Aarons journal has now changed all previous claims and is absolute proof that Cockney Rhyming Slang should now be referred to Welsh Rhyming Slang.

Famous Cockneys Dick Van Dyke and Audrey Hepburn are shocked by this new revelation and feel as if their heritage has been taken from them.

Windsor Davies was not so shocked and said 'It could just be a simple case of the Welsh emigrating into the East End many years ago and bring the slang with them.

.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Tasers could improve memory

Brutal scientific research on prisoners in Texas, the home state of George Bush by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) has revealed that regular daily electrocutions by the taser improves the memory of some habitual criminals who have in the past been underachievers (thick) there is also links to cognitive skills and IQ.

The TDCJ said the tests were still ongoing and the next phase would be to taser every prisoner once a day in all its institutions.

Ed (76) a reformed criminal is now living a more fruitful life as a result of the taser tests. He said " I have been in and out of prison all my life, I just forgot some things were against the law, now I tend to remember not to do wrong" He also added he had a bad back and a gammy leg and was not so nimble as he was.

Independent studies have exposed a risk of death by electrocution when this practice is done in certain areas when wet. Safety experts have advised not to taser people in the bath, shower or swimming pool. The TDCJ have also stopped using the taser in the wet, they killed 129 inmates in the exercise yard during a rain storm.

Civil liberty groups have condemned this practice in the past but cannot remember when. The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith supported this view and added it would be cheaper to not arrest offenders in the first place.

Jan Berry of the police federation said the taser memory improvement program should be extended to all criminal institutes in the England, she also said that if Jacqui Smith had been tasered last year, she might have remembered their pay rise.

.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.