A centuries old bitter feud has broken out in Eastcheap, London.
Both armies have accused each other of "dragging the church into the gutter".
Hostilities started this morning after evening song, where insults were exchanged on the mission steps, activists from the Salvation Army started to throw full verse into the mêlée, antagonising the antagonists to start hurling full blown chants.
Police arrived in full riot gear and ear defenders but could do little to stop the now fully voiced choirs of both armies, they did however bring in the Jesus Army to mediate.
The hymns soon turned into dirges as the 'talks' broke down and the Jesus Army joined in the good fight with gay abandon.
Local resident and street urchin Tommy Booth-Carlile said " Cor luv a duck, they've been arguing over the turf here for years, I hope they don't forget my soup tonight"
Police have now closed of the East End of London and Kensington and have set up road blocks to prevent Quakers joining in the free for all. Police sources have also warned beggars and other low life not to drink the soup as Quakers have been known to throw oats into the broth.
All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.