Church Army declares war on Salvation Army

A centuries old bitter feud has broken out in Eastcheap, London.

Both armies have accused each other of "dragging the church into the gutter".

Hostilities started this morning after evening song, where insults were exchanged on the mission steps, activists from the Salvation Army started to throw full verse into the mêlée, antagonising the antagonists to start hurling full blown chants.

Police arrived in full riot gear and ear defenders but could do little to stop the now fully voiced choirs of both armies, they did however bring in the Jesus Army to mediate.

The hymns soon turned into dirges as the 'talks' broke down and the Jesus Army joined in the good fight with gay abandon.

Local resident and street urchin Tommy Booth-Carlile said " Cor luv a duck, they've been arguing over the turf here for years, I hope they don't forget my soup tonight"

Police have now closed of the East End of London and Kensington and have set up road blocks to prevent Quakers joining in the free for all. Police sources have also warned beggars and other low life not to drink the soup as Quakers have been known to throw oats into the broth.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Hot Lap and Pole Dance club goes up in flames

The Hot Lap Dance club in the Arthur Ashe Stadium has been destroyed in the Texas heat wave.

At the time of the fire the famous heavyweight dance group the 'Tour de Fat' were performing the famous lap dance 'Pencil Trick' devised by the Joker.

The trick involves lighting the pencils with a torchmate and then placing at the base of the pole of the dancer. Just before the incident, big Mary was doing her routine on the pole when along came Polly who collided with the flaming pencils, the scattered pencils set light to drapes, carpet and dancers tassels and fire engulfed the club within seconds.

Shelia, the tour manager said it was not their fault the fire started and they have never performed the Jokers pencil trick before without incident.

Fire Chiefs from Flugtag were at the scene where said to be to busy and were comforting the dancers.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.