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Dolphins assassinated by French frogmen

Hommes-grenouilles of the Marine Nationale (French Navy) have killed at least 26 dolphins they thought were defence forces of the British Navy. The murderous act was done in preparation for the invasion of Cornwall and its tin mines.

A spokesman for the French Navy, Vice-amiral d'escadre, Henri Désiré Landru denied all the allegations and would not comment further until his lawyer was present.

The main material for making French cars is tin as it is (was) easily stolen from Cornwall. Industry insiders have said the French automobile makers, Citroen and Renault, are short of tin and are now taking desperate measures to replenish their stockpiles, but the new British defences have been making it difficult for them.

According to defence documents found on the Piccadilly line last night, the dolphins had been trained to defend the Cornish coast line as they were more expendable and cheaper than ships.

The MOD, RSPCA and Ruth Kelly are to make a joint statement later today

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