Blair pours water over Brown at the Labour Party conference!

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Astronauts are to go on strike at midnight

Last night Astronauts announced that they are to go on strike at midnight, Mars time.

Buzz, spokesperson for the Astronauts Union (AU) said "It seems like light-years we have been in discussion with management at Nasa" he went on to say the main areas where they cannot agree is pay and conditions, their demands are and increase in health insurance to cover ex terrestrial disease and extra cover in case of alien abduction.

Astronauts have said they will have a sit in on various space stations (as far as gravity will let them) until the dispute is resolved. US Government sources have denied there has been an increase in alien abductions and is actually reducing and is now stable at 300 astronauts a month disappearing.

Insurance companies have confirmed Nasa's premiums have increased to a realistic level to reflect the number of space craft that have been lost / stolen. They have also said the premiums would have to be adjusted if it was now to include astronauts.

Managers at Nasa have been unavailable for comment for a few weeks and inside sources have said they have been abducted too.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

The CBI are furious at new a new European Directive

The Confederation of British Industry (CBI) have shown their dismay at the new European Directive, on safety in the workplace. The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) have welcomed the new directives and will be looking forward to when they will turned into English law as it will give them new powers to stop and search.

Judith (you can't) Hackett (HSE) said "it's been a long time coming but now we can stop offenders and they can be searched for dangerous items"

When asked to explain dangerous items by a local news reporter, who also pointed out that the police, were also doing SUS. Judy replied;

"When we outlawed conker playing a few years ago, the game still carried on by some secret sects, the Boy Scouts and a number of wayward children who had access to conker trees where we had not cut them down. We knew there were numerous conker championships happening, but could do little to stop them"

It is expected that HSE officers will patrol and search children in known hotspots. The new law does not stop at conkers. Other dangerous items would include marbles, Pooh sticks, paper darts, elastic bands, hula hoops, skipping ropes and homemade BB guns.

ROSPA and other safety experts are pleased with the initial response from the HSE, but have stressed they have not gone far enough with the new laws and clarification on banning office parties needs to be in the first amendments.

Baroness Gibson of Market Rasen, OBE President of ROSPA indicated it would be a lot easier for everyone if we just banned everything.

The last reading of the new directive was yesterday and was passed today.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.

Shell drivers backed by Stalinist's

According to secret documents found on a number 16 bus in Scunthorpe, the Shell drivers who are currently on strike are backed by Arthur Scargill.

Scargill who is loved by the miners and unions but despised by the Tories, gave a long winded speech blaming Margaret Thatcher for the current problems.

Supporters of Scargill are rallying around to give support to him and the Shell drivers strike. Long time friend Gordon Brown agreed that the strike was a direct result of the Conservatives miss management, Sion Simon, the other half for the folk group the pair set up, The Funkles, said 'Art' (Arthur) was the only one to bring justice to the British working man. George Galloway has joined the picket line and has declared he will stay there until they resurrect and reinstate Mr Hussein.

Brown has stated he will not be taking any active part in the dispute as it was a domestic issue, which should be left to Shell and it contractors to discuss and resolve. When Brown was asked on the fuel shortages and the increase in price, he replied; "More use of coal should be explored and coal fire steam engines could be used as a main form of transportation"

It is unclear how many coal mines should be opened as the yet to be employed miners have already gone on strike in sympathy with the Shell drivers.

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All articles on this blog are untrue and fabricated. Any similarity to persons, dead or alive, is totally fluky or is intended simply as a satire, parody or spoof.